Monday, August 8, 2011

Morning Dew and A House

There's something about this time of year and the morning dew.  I guess I've never really paid much attention to it, after all, it's always been there each and every summer morning.  I guess you could say that for so long I took something so simple as dew for granted. 

But today was different.  I stopped and noticed the thickness of the dew.  How every blade of grass had different sizes of water droplets on it.  The smell that was in the air, clean, sweet and refreshing.
Have you ever had something (or someone) that was constant and in your life that you took for granted?  Always believing that it would be here as long as you were on this earth?  I would imagine so.  After all, we're human.

Well, I know I have.  Mine (at today's moment) is dew and a house.  Yep, that's right.  Just two things I've taken for granted through the years.  Always believing that one or the other would be constant in my life. 

Weird you say?  Yeah, maybe a little. 

This week, the house that "us 3 kids" grew up in, will be sold.  No longer will we be able to just "drop by" unannounced or plan any outdoor activity with our families there.  No longer will we be able to call it "our house" or "mom and dads house"  because it will belong to someone else.
A family who will begin their lives and start their memories in that house,  just as my parents did more than 60 years ago. 

I guess there comes a time when you need to make peace with certain events that happen in life. 
Whether they were good or bad, it's all a part of coping and accepting.

Coping is something that's pretty familiar to most that have had cancer. We've become experts and have learned to do it oh so well.  We've also for the most part, learned to accept and move on, though on our own terms and pace.

So now again, I will begin to cope, accept and make peace.  I will begin to do this not with cancer, but with a house where childhood memories were made. 

I will will take special note of the "words of wisdom" that I've read for the past so many months from some of the other "graduates of the school of cancer." 
Look at each day as a refreshing new day. 
Not taking for granted the morning dew that blankets the grass each summer morning, no matter how trivial it may seem.
Hanging on to memories, good memories about a house that has so many of those, along with a few stories tucked away in its walls.

And learn...learn once again how to cope, accept and make peace. 

Friday, July 22, 2011

Dear Uncle Mikey....

I was 16 when I met him and not so sure if I really "liked" him, or maybe I just didn't understand him.  He was standing in his mothers hospital room, fresh from Oklahoma and wearing a cowboy hat!  Now keep in mind, we're in a suburb of Chicago...who wears a cowboy hat in Chicago?  His personality filled the room.  Laughing, joking and having a certain arrogance about him.


That "him" I'm referring to is my husbands brother, a man that would become my brother-in-law for the next 30 years...Patrick Michael or as he would say, "Uncle Mikey"


Back at the end of May, I wrote about Michael suffering a massive stroke.  As debilitating as the stroke was, he was making some improvement.  The improvement was ever so slight, but nonetheless, we thought he was making some progress.  He was moved from the hospital last week to a skilled long term nursing care facility just outside of Oklahoma City.  The doctors told his wife that with the severity of this stroke, he no longer had any mobility from the neck down, vision in his right eye was lost along with his bodily functions. 
Michael had been direct with his wife in his wishes that should he ever become debilitated during their marriage, he wanted no type of life support.


Late last night, I received a phone call from his wife.  God called Michael home. 
There are no more feeding tubes, no IV's, no more suffering. 


I do believe he is truly at peace.


The next few days are going to be the hardest.  His wife and son will bring him back to Illinois, back to where he was born and raised.  This will be his final resting place.  This is what he wanted.
We will honor his wishes with the Irish tales and prayers that he so loved, and we will toast to him on his final journey home.

                              Rest In Peace Uncle Mikey.....

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Another Year...and Counting

Most people celebrate their birthday with some sort of recognition and hoopla.  I on the other hand, celebrate my "cancerversary."  Birthdays as a cancer survivor are important to me, but it's the cancerversary that lends a different meaning to the word celebrate.  Today, my birthday has the meaning of 1 more year that I didn't think I'd be around for.  My cancerversary is acknowledging the fact that on this date, I underwent more that 8 hours of surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from my breast, and survived.

When I mentioned to my family that  today, 6 years ago, was the day I had surgery to remove the tumor that so thoughtfully *insert sarcasm* invaded my breast, they look somewhat perplexed.  As to wonder "why on earth I would want to think of this day, much less call it a cancerversary?"  Well, to me, it's a given.  It was a new lease on my life.  That's it.  Short, bittersweet, simple, basic. 

So, in keeping with my celebratory mood today, I believe I will treat myself to a glass of wine, and maybe have a slice of cake...and sing to myself;  Happy Cancerversary To Me!

                                                                    

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Inquiring Minds Want To Know...What Is That On Her Chest?!?

Earlier this week I went to see my Oncologist.  Nothing special, just my usual port flush and blood work.  After 5+ years of this routine, I've come to accept the fact that-my port isn't going anywhere anytime soon!
Since I have a tendency to bleed a bit after blood draws, the nurse uses a cotton ball and gauze with medical tape to stop any additional bleeding I may have.  Wearing a shirt that makes it easy for her to access, I put my light cardigan back on and go about my business which entails a trip to the office supply store.
Leaving the doctors office and walking outside, eyes are automatically drawn to my chest where a large white cotton ball and tape protrude.  To top things off, my lymphedema was being less than cooperative that day, which meant wearing my compression sleeve and glove.  Yeah, what a sight I was!  Passersby didn't know where to advert their eyes, to my chest or to my arm and hand! 
Onto the office supply store where yet, I was encountered with the same stares and looks.  The young sales associate that I approached to ask for some assistance had the "deer in headlights" look as he saw me walking towards him.
And last, but not least, the female associate that so graciously checked out my purchase had the same bewildered look on her face.  Not certain as to what the bandage like wrap that was on my arm and hand, and, why on earth was a cotton ball with tape on my chest?
Ahhhh....yes, I smiled, thanked them both for their assistance and went on my merry way. 
I had to chuckle to myself as I got into my car.  Yes, I really am quite the normal person with a few minor imperfections,  but really, just another cancer survivor trying to do the best she can with what she's got...even if it is with a white cotton ball stuck with tape on my chest.
                                                   

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

It's Not Always Cancer That Comes Knocking...

For as long as I can remember, it seems as if someone in my family has endured a cancer diagnosis. It was almost to the point, I would wonder who's next? This time, instead of cancer knocking at our door, it was a massive stroke. My husbands older brother was recently stricken with this debilitating malady.
A once vibrant, highly intellectual individual has been reduced to having his breathing assisted by a ventilator and more tubes than one cares to know about.
The doctors and entire medical team that he has are some of the finest in Oklahoma City, and we're comforted knowing that he truly is in good and capable hands. With each passing hour, we are hoping and praying that his Irish Luck will pull him through this so that he can continue being that vibrant individual we all know and love dearly.....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Easter, Spring and A Time Of Remembering

Here we are already at the end of April, so says the calendar.  But judging by the look of things outside, it's more like the end of February!  We (in Chicago) have had a rather rainy and quite cold Spring to say the least.  With Easter just around the corner...this weekend to be exact, we're hoping for a day of some sun and warmer temperatures. 
I've always looked forward to this time of year, flowers blooming and trees budding, the grass turning an amazing shade of deep green.  The robins singing in the morning and at night along with the red-wing blackbirds which signals that Spring has really arrived. 

It also gets me to thinking even more about my mom.  Mom's favorite time of the year was Spring.  She could not wait to get her hands in the dirt and prep her flower and vegetable beds for one of her greatest pleasures...gardening.
Mom had the most amazing and colorful flowers in the neighborhood.  She, at one time, had the largest garden of anyone in the neighborhood!  People that would pass by the house, would stop and comment on how beautiful the yard was.  From her tenacious way of turning the dirt, to carefully picking the first tomato when it was ready, she truly had a love and respect of nature and all that it had to offer.
This weekend I will go and place the flowers she so loved at her final resting place, the nature sanctuary.
 Her wishes, when the time came, were to be next to my dad under the Maple tree that overlooks a magnificent view of a pond and a garden that's filled with her favorite...flowers.

                                                                

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Cancer Is For The Birds!

Each year in February,  my sister co-chairs a golf tournament to benefit a cancer organization where she lives in Naples, Florida.  This year, her ladies golf group chose the Cancer Alliance of Naples, or CAN for short.  CAN is a grassroots, volunteer driven organization that provides assistance to cancer patients and their families in the form of financial assistance, information resources and links to services and support groups in the community.

Their theme...."Cancer Is For The Birds" kicked off the day with flamingos around the greens instead of the traditional golf flags and golf carts took on the appearance of a "boobmobile" with a sign that said "Save the TaTas--Big or Small, We Love Them All."

A beautiful Florida day gave way to a group of dedicated golfers that raised more than $7,000 so that CAN may continue to give the much needed assistance to cancer patients and their families of Southern Florida.  

Please visit the Cancer Alliance of Naples website at  www.cancerallianceofnaples.com/index.html






Sunday, February 27, 2011

Lymphedema Management and Weight Reduction

Back in July 2010, I ventured on a serious business of strength training, cardiovascular and weight reduction.  I did this for a number of reasons, all in hopes of getting myself into a healthier state; both mentally and physically.  Since I'm a breast cancer survivor (and rather young when initially diagnosed) I felt compelled to take my health in my own hands and meet with a physical therapist who also owns a fitness studio.  He since, has put me on a strength training program in hopes of increasing the strength in my chest, (post mastectomy) and getting my lymphedema under control. 
This, however, has not been an easy task.  I've endured some sore days since it had been a while since tackling weight lifting.  Keep in mind that since I do have lymphedema, the pounds that I lift are minimal.  Now, I focus on slow, methodical lifting.  Gone are the days where I tried to lift more and more weight to see just "how much can I lift?"
Now, almost 8 months later, not only have I lost weight, but I've also reduced a substantial amount of fluid in my arm.  Both lymphedema therapist and trainer couldn't be more pleased, as am I. 
With a new compression garment (the smallest to date!) I feel not only better about myself, but content knowing that exercise and diet does in fact manage lymphedema.

**A few excerpts from the American Cancer Society given to me from my PT/LT on weight management and lymphedema.

1)  A Randomized Controlled Trial of Weight Reduction as a Treatment for Breast Cancer-related Lymphedema.  American Cancer Society 2007; Shaw, Mortimer and Judd.
The conclusion:  From the results of the “current study, we recommend that, for women and lymphedema related to treatment for breast cancer who are overweight, weight reduction should be considered as part of the overall management of their lymphedema”......  “Weight reduction should be integrated into the lymphedema management plan”....


2)  Randomized Controlled Trial Comparing a Low-Fat Diet with a  Weight-Reduction Diet in Breast Cancer-related Lymphedema.  American Cancer Society 2007; Shaw, Mortimer and Judd.
The conclusion:  “dietary manipulation in patients with lymphedema subsequent to breast cancer treatment appears to assist in the reduction of lymphedematous arm volume if body weight is reduced”.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Boobies, Bracelets and Ten Year Olds

The other day, I noticed my 10 year old grandson wearing an I "heart" boobies bracelet.  I know there has been a lot of discussion about kids wearing these bracelets in school and whether or not they understand the meaning behind these bracelets.
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer Austin was only 5.  Too young I felt to fully comprehend why I had lost my hair, why I was so tired and why I was always going to the doctor.  I guess I tried to shelter him from all that the big bad "C" had to offer to an individual as well as a family.  I've never spoke to him about that time in my life, until recent.

This bracelet he was wearing opened the door for this such discussion with a very smart ten year old.

So we sat, Nonna to grandson and talking very "matter of fact".  His knowledge of breasts and cancer utterly amazed me.  I was pretty frank in questioning him about why he wore this bracelet.   After all, if he was going to wear one, he needed to understand the significance of it and not just because his friends were wearing one.  His responses were almost adult like.  He explained to me that these bracelets represent breast cancer and awareness and "people should wear these to show their support."  He also acknowledged that "a woman's breasts can get cancer and that's not good for her and some women die from breast cancer."  
With that, he told me he remembered when I was "sick" with cancer and that I had no hair and wore hats all the time.  He wanted me to know that he told his friends that I had breast cancer but not anymore and that I'm better now.  Yes Austin, I am all better now.

My dear grandson, you have taught me something very important; never to underestimate the understanding that a ten year old has of cancer and the meaning of his I love boobies bracelet. 
May you wear your bracelet with pride and in good health my love....

Sunday, January 9, 2011

A New Year, A New Name, A New Beginning

There's one thing about living in Chicago that you begin to think about this time of year...Spring.  In comes January and along with it, it brings the bitter cold, short days and long nights.  We Chicagoans look forward to the crocuses peaking up from the snowy ground.  Then, we're on the look out for the first robin signaling that we've rounded that winter corner and now headed towards longer days and brighter sunlight. Ahhhh, a new beginning.

A fresh new beginning and, a fresh new name of the breast cancer support group at our local hospital. We will no longer have the title of a support group, but a Survive and Thrive group.  Much more fitting for some of todays cancer patients that go on to lead and live a long life.  Leading by example to those still in treatment that there is life after cancer.  Showing them the ropes.  Talking about what's important to them in todays world as a cancer survivor.  Maybe it will be their hopes, their dreams or their new found passion, but one thing the "newbies" of  survivorland will experience with this group; a new program, a new location and a fresh new start on their brand new life.